a stray cat showed up in my garden earlier and i named him todd howard as a joke but now i have to live with this because my stepfather just said “todd howard didnt eat the cat food i left out for him”
Being ordered around by abusive parents is infuriating because
a) I absolutely despise being obedient to a person who humiliated, insulted, hurt and terrorized me, I want to retaliate to show them they can’t just do whatever they want to me and still count on me being obedient, I hate being helpless and in someone’s power, also, I’m hurt to know they don’t care about me or love me and all they want from me is obedience, I’m a human being and they shouldn’t get away with this,
b) if i don’t do it they’ll kill me
so i started a new babysitting today…
im taking care of two adorable siblings – the girl is 8, her brother 5. He is a bit reserved, as 5 years old often are, but his sister is a ray of sunshine, super smart and bubbly and mature. Now……..
We were heading home from school and she told me, with this vibrant smile only children below 10 can truly master:
“You know, i’ve had plenty of babysitters before you!”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, but they didnt stay long.”
“Why that?”
“I test them.” *predatory smile*
“Oh, uh – thats not a really nice thing to do, N.”
“They all get fired… They come twice and then i get them fired. I love getting babysitters fired.”
Then, later, at the park, her brother fell down and started crying. We comforted him, then, looking at me dead in the eyes, she said:
“You are a bad omen.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s your first day and M. has already fallen down and hes crying.”
“Well, this happens. Young children fall down all the time. I didnt push him or anything. Aren’t you a scientific mind?”
“Yes i am”
“Then you should understand theres no way this is a rational way of thinking.”
(She paused an instant to think about it.)
“Well, whatever. You’re a bad omen.” *same predatory smile*
“I dont think, rationally, that youre right.”
“Well, maybe not a ‘bad omen’ then – lets just say youre… not very lucky.”
“Okay.”
So…… first of all i had forgotten that children could be very good manipulators; then, she’s incredibly smart and bright, holy shit; and finally……. HOW could i forget that ALL little girls between 8 and 12 are super into witchy paranormal stuff and omens lmao
Every single victim of abuse fought back in the beginning. Every single person reacted with pain, anger, retaliation, called the abuser out, fought back, tried every single way of defending themselves, showing the abuser they’re hurt and upset, trying to stop the abusive behavior. The reason they can’t do it anymore is because the abuser has punished and traumatized them every single time they tried to fight back. Fighting back has become forbidden, terrifying. Anger has became forbidden to feel, and instead bottled up and turned into self hatred. Even saying something against abuser’s wishes can feel as terrifying and provoking as if they’re asking to get tortured. Abusers will go as far as make victims sure they’ll be killed in an act of revenge if they dare to fight back. And they do this over and over again, until the victim’s survival instincts don’t allow them to fight back, until it’s not worth being disobedient if it means torture and end of life.
Think about that next time you want to blame someone for not standing up to their abuser and not running away. This person has been looking in the face of death entire time, and you did nothing to help them, but sided with their abuser. You sided up with a monster so despicable they trapped a person and keep hurting them over and over, for their benefit, making their life miserable torture, and you found it easier to turn on the victim. That is cowardice. If you don’t know how being trapped in abuse feels, you should never make comments on it.
pros of liberal universities: your first class of the week is a walk in a botanical garden on a sunny fall day & your homework is to write poetry
