me in 2090-something putting my will on my macbook 3000 with a built in back massager that explicitly requests an all female mortician group so that no man will ever touch my body even in death or else i will have to cut my tea time session with joan of arc and tupac short so i can cast a curse on some rando who couldn’t read
skills include being grossly self-destructive in front of your crush to avoid her being ever attracted to you
crystallisation-inducing behavior? dont know her
im like… 99,99% “i dont wanna live a conjugal life ever again this is the worst and also the best way to fall out of love i wanna be free and have my own place and life and focus on my own work” but like… 0,01% “damn i cant wait to get married and bring tea in bed to my wife every morning and make my whole life revolve around her”
I hate that all
of us traumatized, damaged and abused people are always told to change and
“turn a new leaf” and recover and to work on getting ourselves better
as if this is our job, to undo all the damage that was done to us. We can’t undo the damage anyway, we can’t live
as if we’re not shaped by our own experiences, we can’t live like nothing
happened, what is asked of us is not only selfish but impossible. Nobody wants
to listen and hear what we went thru and nobody wants to know about the horrors
that are happening to children and adults right now, but all of us victims and
survivors are supposed to “work it out” by ourselves. We should just
quietly not bother anyone with our trauma and grief and terror and pain, we
should just “leave it in the past” as if the rest of you all are not
throwing tantrums over every fucking inconvenience you have in your life.
You know what?
Maybe, maybe if people cared about what happened to us and had the fucking
decency to listen and be on our side, we would find it easier to feel
compassion for ourselves. Maybe, if people would offer us protection, resources
and safety from abuse we’d have an easier time to not feel completely rejected
from society and on our own in our pain. Maybe if we could count on warmth and
compassion when something bad happens to us we wouldn’t be sitting there
isolated feeling like we can’t tell anyone what happened! Maybe if we weren’t
told all our lives to not blame our abusers, to always forgive, to not dwell on
past, to be the bigger person, maybe we wouldn’t be so fucking scared of being
shut down and criticized when we need to make it clear that someone else is
responsible for what we’re going thru! That it’s not okay and forgivable if
someone causes us unspeakable pain!
How are all of you
expecting us to recover while being cut off from resources, compassion,
allowance to speak our truth or to hold our torturers responsible? You all are
uncomfortable when we’re as much as angry at abusers, as if we’re somehow now a
danger to society, like we are now going to take insane revenge and ruin our
lives. Our abusers already did shitton of unspeakable horrors to us already!
But you’re not after them are you? They didn’t ruin their lives did they? You’re
not making sure they don’t do any more unspeakable horrors to us are you? Of
course not! You don’t hold them to the same levels of scrutiny and
responsibility! It’s easier to tell us what to do, to try to control us, to
stop us from becoming inconvenient to you, while abusers hurting us was no inconvenience
to you whatsoever! Stop pretending it’s on us that you don’t care!
