bassiter:

xhgr:

shittydiscourseblog1:

thewarontranssexualism:

bittertranny:

Being a gay trans man is not about wanting to be in a “yaoi” relationship. It’s about liking guys from a young age but always feeling weird about it. It’s being hit on and politely complimented for your looks but feeling disgusted by it at the same time, while your friends smile and blush. It’s seeing closeness between two male friends and feeling not nervous and attracted but confused and jealous. It’s even growing up and realizing that you are sexually attracted to men but you can’t imagine being with a dude. Sometimes it’s longing to be the one who asks a guy out and take him on a date and pay for his food and be the gentleman. And when it all makes sense, when you know you’re a trans man, it’s a sense of loss. It’s knowing that most men won’t love you like a man, won’t treat you as more then a kink. It’s realizing that you’ll never, ever be able to hookup with a man without a long conversation about how you don’t have a dick.

It’s not a fetish. It’s not reading yaoi fanfictionand finding it hot. It’s a loss of an opportunity to fit into a community of your own. It’s social isolation and anxiety, it’s fucking sad and lonely.

I hope this makes a little more sense to people.

You put it into words the way I couldn’t, this is very relatable

i think its valid for bi trans men too…

i will never be over the fact i will never be able to date or even just fuck a man like i am supposed to do

Not to mention that horrible feeling of “being in the middle” and not being able to fully relate to gay men’s experiences or to women’s experiences either (when you’re femme), feeling like you’re an alien or something, because your parents didn’t scold you if you played with dolls, but there was something “off” about liking guys… or anyone really. Or that anxiety you feel when you talk to a cute guy and you don’t know if he sees you as a man. Or even, having a romantic interest in a guy who clearly sees you as a man, but you still doubt him. Guys looking at you either with disgust or as a fetish, a fantasy. Also, with the despair loneliness brings, many trans people, not only trans guys, will fall into abusive relationships.

It’s a very sad and lonely life of just wanting to be loved like everyone else.

almost every trans mlm that i know, including myself, had a period of crisis before accepting that they were attracted to men and/or actively describing themselves as gay/bi/pan men. and i don’t know a SINGLE gay trans man who described themself as being gay immediately upon transitioning. literally…. we have Gay Crises just as often as cis mlm do. we get scared that being attracted to men means we’re not masculine enough to be men MORE than cis mlm do, i would say.

for a lot of on-off periods before i realized i was trans, i thought that i was a lesbian – even though i’ve NEVER been attracted to girls! i really haven’t! but i knew that i wasn’t a Normal Girl, i knew i wanted to be a boy and i wanted to be masculine, and i rationalized that to mean that i had to like girls. and i know that many other gay trans men do this exact thing.

i also know that a lot of trans people in general, often for a WHILE after transitioning especially, have a very difficult relationship with our sexualities. it’s hard to parse how attraction intersects with dysphoria (do i want you or do i want to BE you) and a lot of the time, it’s just not even on our minds to put a name to it until after we’ve come completely to terms with the gender that we are.

literally no one transitions for the purpose of dating other people, we transition for OURSELVES, and assuming that we’re striving specifically for relationships with other people and not at all for our own personal happiness…. is like, textbook transphobia lol