đŸŒ» :)

epicene-street-light:

hi anon! random fact about my life: funny story of how i actually adopted the familiar of a recently deceased witch 

the year was 2005. i was 7 and at the music school. the school year was over, and i was with the other children of my music theory class, having a party in the school’s garden. there was juice and cookies and, more importantly, no adults, and a cat. there were plenty of cats hanging out in the school’s garden, because an old lady who lived in the building around the school fed them. so, we were like, 12 or so seven years old, and we saw the cat, so the natural reaction was to run towards him and try to pet him. the cat didnt give a fuck about us, he was sleeping (out of our reach) on the wall, things were normal. 

and then we heard an old lady’s voice screaming: “little rascals! stop harassing this cat! right now!!”. it was the old lady living nearby and feeding the cats, wearing all black, carrying a ripped supermarket bag, standing right in front of us. she waved her walking stick at us and we ran away screaming. then she left the garden, and was back in the street, out of sight. 

so we started bugging the cat again. 

approximatively 30 seconds later, we heard her voice again, screaming: “you should be ashamed!! leave this cat alone!! immediately!!”. and it was her, same bag, same clothes, same walking stick. we were a bit surprised to see her again, but still ran away. then she left again. 

“how could she be back so quickly?” we wondered, standing in a circle, whispering. “we didnt even make that much noise”. 

“she lives right there, in this building”, i tell them. (musical theory classes were so boring, i had noticed where she lived exactly). “maybe she saw us from her window.” 

she walked very slowly, and we could still see her. 

“someone should follow her just to make sure, so when she’s really far away we can play with the cat again’, someone says. we made a random selection and i was chosen to follow her. 

so i started walking a few meters behind the old lady. she walked from more or less 10 minutes, to the tram station. i waited for her in front of the station. i saw her get on the tram, the tram’s doors closing, and the tram starting. the next station was 20 minutes away (by foot). i made sure she wasnt on the platform anymore, and ran back as quickly as i could to the school. once there, i told the others: “its okay! shes gone, i saw her getting on the tram, we can play with the cat now!”

so we started bugging the cat again. 

and then. behind us, a voice. “this is it! im fed up with you little brats!!!! go away!!!” 

it was the old lady again. 

***

we never cleared that one mystery – the others accused me of lying, but i know what i saw – and years passed. it was now 2010. i was 12 and still going to the same music school. i made a friend of an adorable, big muscular black cat usually sleeping behind the building the old lady lived in. i petted him and played with him twice a week when coming back from music lessons. it was summer again, and i was petting the cat when a man came to me and asked me if i knew the cat’s owner. i told him no, and asked why. he sighed. “because she’s my neighbor, and she’s at the hospital with a final phase cancer. i thought maybe you were related, you kinda look like her.” i told him i was sorry for her, and he left. 

when the school year started over this year, i stopped seing the buff black cat. but another cat had arrived. she was a calico, and unless the other cats hanging out in the garden, she did her best to get inside the school and getting petted. she liked everyone, including me. she was so cute, and so willing to get adopted i convinced my parents to adopt her. she was obviously an indoor cat, having all of their reflexes, and adapted really quickly to our home. i was persuaded she belonged to the old lady, since she was used to a quiet life and arrived when she had passed away. one of the school’s secretaries told me she believed it too.

i never saw the black cat’s owner in person, but i doubt there were more than one mysterious old lady living with 15 cats and having magical powers in this very ordinary building. 

so that was the story of how i adopted a witch’s familiar cat. 

epicene-street-light:

epicene-street-light:

im still alive, listening to music and baking a delicious chocolate cake!!! can you believe????

update: i gave half the cake to my neighbors and they were really happy!!! i love humans!!!!!!!

update: apparently the neighbors baked cookies today too and they just gave me a full plate of them!!!! now ive got a chocolate/almond cake and home-baked cookies!!!!!!!!!!

a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore

azriah:

maramahan:

808lien:

colacharm:

wildlyannoyingdoofus:

colacharm:

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

  1. never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
  2. find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
  3. talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
  4. picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
  5. if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.


 8|

That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking

Make a decision to have self compassion – treat yourself the way you treat the person/animal/anything you love most

epicene-street-light:

i try to make my french poems kinda light and not that depressing but my english ones go like “lmao bitch you thought go d i e already” so, sorry for that i guess 

i also want to emphasize the fact i have literally no control over my style in english whereas i can do almost anything in french. my english-speaking inner self is a chaotic depressed bastard that has me catching glimpses of how fucked up i am and,,,,, this is Uncomfortable

like chill dude, i meant to write a silly short poem about fresh laundry, no need to splash half of my trauma history into it, it was about fresh fucking laundry ok 

i try to make my french poems kinda light and not that depressing but my english ones go like “lmao bitch you thought go d i e already” so, sorry for that i guess 

ive had some words from a poem stuck in my head for a few days now and like, they were gorgeous, but i didnt know where it came from. i looked into my jaccottet’s books but it wasnt there so finally i googled it and,,,, apparently i wrote it bc there are literally no results, but i still wasnt sure so i went thru my old stuff and this was actually from a poem i wrote when i was 15Â