epicene-street-light:

real talk tho but small children (under 6) are so fucking funny……… hanging out w them is like being responsible for ur friend whos high af and completely smashed

i was babysitting this 4 yo kid while we waited for his mom to come home and he insisted we “took every his moneys out real quick to the store and buy a really little cheeses sandtwhitch” while walking & talking like the most drunk person ever

when i said no, that we had to wait for his mom and eat her dinner, he said “oh” like real sad and looked down then said 0.3 seconds later “then….. maybe a very little….. HAM sandwich” & then started to look for his piggybank that had literally 3 cents in it

so i started a new babysitting today…

im taking care of two adorable siblings – the girl is 8, her brother 5. He is a bit reserved, as 5 years old often are, but his sister is a ray of sunshine, super smart and bubbly and mature. Now……..

We were heading home from school and she told me, with this vibrant smile only children below 10 can truly master:

“You know, i’ve had plenty of babysitters before you!”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, but they didnt stay long.”

“Why that?”

“I test them.” *predatory smile*

“Oh, uh – thats not a really nice thing to do, N.”

“They all get fired… They come twice and then i get them fired. I love getting babysitters fired.”

Then, later, at the park, her brother fell down and started crying. We comforted him, then, looking at me dead in the eyes, she said:

“You are a bad omen.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s your first day and M. has already fallen down and hes crying.”

“Well, this happens. Young children fall down all the time. I didnt push him or anything. Aren’t you a scientific mind?”

“Yes i am”

“Then you should understand theres no way this is a rational way of thinking.”

(She paused an instant to think about it.)

“Well, whatever. You’re a bad omen.” *same predatory smile*

“I dont think, rationally, that youre right.”

“Well, maybe not a ‘bad omen’ then – lets just say youre… not very lucky.”

“Okay.”

So…… first of all i had forgotten that children could be very good manipulators; then, she’s incredibly smart and bright, holy shit; and finally……. HOW could i forget that ALL little girls between 8 and 12 are super into witchy paranormal stuff and omens lmao