you do?? in your own house?? where your family lives? thats what everyone else does too and they don’t expect the rest of the household to act like fucking slaves maybe you’re still just a member of this family and not a fucking ruler of it, if you weren’t paying the bills your contributions would be zero so stop overplaying it and sit down once we’re adults we’re all gonna be able to pay the fucking bills and i don’t expect you’ll wanna be enslaved to us then
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.
Her: oh well she sent me a text last night saying she would really like for us to go out together.
Me: oh cute!! When’s the date?
Her:… it’s not a date?
Me: wha… but… She asked you out…
Her: what? No I’m sure she means as friends.
Me: honey, she literally just asked you out
Her: the text says otherwise (reading) “Darling, you’re an amazing person and I really, really like you. What do you say about grabbing a bite somewhere sometime? ;)”
medusa-avenging-squad 