straightpeoplereceipts:

5 Things Your LGBT Friends Are Sick of Hearing

1. “But have you ever tried dating a woman?” Whether or not you have is besides the point. We all know you can’t win this question. If you have, you must secretly be straight. If you haven’t, you still must secretly be straight. To straight people everywhere: Please stop asking your gay friends this condescending question. Especially during the full moon. Please, please stop asking during the full moon.
2. “Can I ask you an ignorant question?” This one seems innocent enough, until it’s 3AM and you’re a lesbian being messaged by a male acquaintance you haven’t spoken to since high school. Let’s not pretend. Look at his profile picture. We all know this question is about to be about your sex life, or the location of the spell jar you used to curse him in freshman year. Some guys just can’t let things go.
3. “But you’re in a relationship with a man/woman! Doesn’t that make you straight/gay?” First of all, that is not how sexuality works. Second, is it any of your business? And third: I get it, you’re a wayward spirit and your only method of communication is writing on this foggy bathroom mirror. Whatever. You’ve been told several times now that if you have a question, you can write GOOGLE DOT COM before you ask it. I’ll leave the print out on the counter. It’s been years, dude. At this point if you can’t remember, you need to Google it.
4. “I’m not calling you that until you’ve changed your name/changed your gender marker/started HRT/had surgery.” It costs zero dollars to be respectful to another human being, or just not talk to them at all. This is basic respect, not pulling teeth. Hey, wait. How are you doing that with your mouth? Hold on. You don’t feel that? You’re.. foaming. Yeah, just a bit. Fuck, do you need some water? You hate water? What do you mean you hate water? Are you okay? Is this about the possum that bit you? You don’t look so good.
5. The choir calls from the distance. The cacophany of overlaid sound is deafening. They have all stopped in the streets, hundreds of bodies stood stock still. Only you move and you do so tentatively, with held breath. Expecting this crowd to turn on you as they notice. They don’t. The sky is a bloody colour and twists at the centre, clouds spinning inward. It hurts to look at. The sky breaks. Through this crevice, this crack in the universe, you can see but there are no words so instead what you feel is dread. It is dread all the way down. The day has come. Oh no, the day has come.